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Ten tips to cultivate iman faith in our children
1..Love of Allahswt and his attributes. Teaching tawhid
Discussion in every day of Allah swt good qualities. For example when patting a pet cat we can discuss how Allah swt is Al Wadud, the Loving and he loves us to be loving. Using his qualities to every day discussion and examples with our children.
Many studies show the importance of children connection to the great outdoors and in nature. Its important to take children outside and remind them of all the beautiful creations and landscapes that Allahswt has created. From young reminding them "Who made the sea" while swimming and playing at the sea. So they have a realisation instilled in them that Allah swt is the beginner and end result of everything.
A story of one Scholar during the taabien time. He was brought up by his uncle. His uncle taught him three statements to say to himself before bed
"Allahswt is with me. Allahswt is witnessing me. Allah swt is watching me."
He said this had a profound effect on his life as an adult as these reminders were established in his heart from saying them every night before he slept.
2.Trust in Allahswt and dua
Teaching seeking Allah swt help and assistance through pray and duas. Teaching them to always put their trust in Allah swt. Many Prophets would use the power of dua for their offspring
For example duas at all different times of the day and evening. For example think of the dua of sleep.
"Our children reminding themselves that Allah swt alone can bring them safely through the night; that He alone restores their consciousness after sleep; that He alone has the power to take our soul whenever He chooses, are all messages that cultivate a healthy god-consciousness".
- See more at: http://www.newislamicdirections.com/articles/what_we_should_be_teaching_our_children/#sthash.vu8UZBFs.dpuf
´ “And
those who say: our Lord Grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to
our eyes, and make us a leader for the righteous”
Prophet
Zakariya :
´
My lord, grant me from
yourself a good offspring. Indeed, you are the hearer of supplication
´
Prophet Ibrahim :
´
My Lord grant me (a child)
from among the righteous. Se we gave him good tidings of a forbearing boy.
´
“Our
Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our offspring a nation submissive
unto You, and show us our Manasik (all the ceremonies of pilgrimage – Hajj
and Umrah, etc.), and accept our repentance. Truly, You are the One Who accepts
repentance, the Most Merciful
They characters, qualities, scarifies, significant events. Explains what great people they were who shrived to please Allah swt and so they reinforce to the children that these are our real heroes and heroines. Oral story reading to a child is very important for children to scaffold their oral and reading skills and to create a bond towards the lessons learnt, as the mothers lap creates the foundation of engaged learning.
"Oral language precedes a child’s acquisition of reading skills such as and (Reutzel and Cooter, 2003). is the ability to recognize the smallest units of speech sounds, and is the ability to understand what is read—identifying the story’s main character or retelling a story that was read aloud, for example.
Children must have a (listening) and (talking) use of oral language so they can become successful readers (Clay, 1979). Talking to children helps build their vocabulary. refers to words children recognize in speaking or listening . "
Always put the Quran on in the background. Encourage children to listen to the Quran. It has been proven to have a positive effect on the listeners The car is a great place for children to listen and learn the Quran. Scientists have found that a baby gets affected by the surrounding sounds of the environment and their caregiver. There sense of hearing receives sounds and voices and recognises familiar or smoothing sounds. A baby is found to than store these sounds in their memory even when they are incapable of using them in in proper word form. No doubt this store memory is later use for speech formation. That is why the nursing mother is encouraged to read and listen to the holy Quran.
5.Good deeds
Encouraging and praising them for any good deeds they do. Explain the consequences of their actions, they is a repercussion of all our actions.
When we journey to the next life we will see the consequences of our actions, both good and bad. Not allowing for the individual needs of the child or pushing them so hard in a task or deed that they need up in tears or resenting the process, they will loss the beauty of the good deed. Its not about the end result, its about the process. Teaching dedication and persistence despite a task being hard, but its important for a parent to respect the child's needs and give a break or stop when needed. If not a child may develop a negative connection towards that deed and thus not do it out of a desire from within themselves, but to please or obey and adult. While that may be good while they are a child, when they enter adult they will not have a positive connection to that deed and may lose or discard it. We call this conditional learning. For example a positive reinforcement will usually increase a positive good action or behavior. More important it will produce a positive emotional response to that deed. e.g Every time seven year old Ali reads his Quran he gets a cuddle from his father and some positive encouragement. Every time Amina read her Quran her mother shouts at her for every mistakes and she ends up in tears. She has to sit for a long period without breaks .Thus she develops a dislike for this deed.
"Positive exhortation is desirable to children. Whenever Allah guides our children to memorize a portion of the Qur'an, we should offer them gifts so that the children would not forget that moment, wish not to miss the chance, and their attachment to the Qur'an increases until they reach a high degree of love and approach the Qur'an out of their love not out of fear of commands or rebuke."
http://en.alukah.net/Society_Reform/23/1108/Sheikh Dr. Muhammad Nabulsy, "Tarbiyat Al Awlad Fi Al Islam [Raising Children in Islam]":
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6. Salat-the great transition.
As your sons get older, encourage their fathers to take them to the Mosque. The beautiful homes where Allahswt name is mentioned, praised and loved is a strong example for life long connection to Allahswt. . Encourage this good effort from young so their are instilled a love for the house of Allahswt. Salat is a transition.
´7-10: we order them to pray without punishment and without beating.
´Because the child is not mukalaf, this stage is intended for training.
´If you punish,
the child will hate you and hate prayer, they will tie the negative feeling to
prayer.
´Prompting
´We prompt them to pray
´at this stage you
have 3 years, 5 times a day, 365 days a year = 5,475 order, or prompt. These
prompts will change, it’s a trial and error process till you find the keys to
your child,
´and only after
the 5,475 prompts it becomes your right to beat them if they do not pray. Other
than that it is not your right to beat them
´Parents should understand that it is a great transition for the child
´Moderate gradual change, depends on
the capacity of the child and their ability
10 years onwards
´
They form their
priorities
´
At the age of 9: they start building their belief and value system
´
From age 9-12 this is the door between childhood and adolescence
´
It’s a good stage
to form their intellectual understanding of prayer
7. Ikraam (honoring others)
Encourage giving and ikraam from a young age so their nafts doesn't become selfish and self centered. , Included in this is teaching children respect towards others and the rights others have on them (huqul-ibad)
“Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful (An-Nisa 4:36).”
8.Show example of good conduct.
Good character and sunnahs so they want to live their life like the Prophet saw and close companions.
Prophet Muhammed was a family man yet also had balance in all aspects in his life. He had balance with mosque and family life. Children need a father that is present, aware and allocates quality time to his children. We live in a busy time but we can make time for our families especially before our children grow up and move out of home. Parents are the secure or insecure base. Good, healthy attachment to a parent is cultivated by responding appropriately and a nurturing of the child's emotional, spiritual, physical needs. Children that have a secure attachment to their parent have more positive outcomes long term than children who display the three patterns of insecure attachment. Affection, sensitive care giving and , consistently responding appropriately to a baby and toddlers needs is essential for good attachment.
The three insecure attachment are usually displayed in mothers who tend to engage in less positive physical contact, handle them awkwardly or sometimes use negative, resentful or rejecting behavior towards their young child.
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9. You- as a parent you have the strongest influence and effect on your child.
When a child sees their parents pray daily. See them devoted and turning to salat . If they see their parents drop everything at the time of salat, they learn that this is an enjoyable act.An important worship. Ebraahim AS made dua "Let me establish salat and encourage my off spring to make salat". This is a great example of implicit learning. Implicit learning is the learning of complex information in an incidental manner, without awareness of what has been learned. The actions that parents do consistently each day is a form of implicit learning.
10. Treat your children fairly
Children need a lot of love and good treatment to flare . Protect them and show a good example by never gossiping, lying, slandering or abusing others in front of them or to them. Behavioral traits such as humility, honest, patience, love and empathy towards others can only be learnt and carried on in character if they have been shown these qualities consistently. Have mercy on our children. They live in a hard, god less world.
Positive, quality time, affection and communication is essential in a relationship with a husband and wife. If children see their parents being loving, joyful with each other, and communicating in a good way, this is a powerful example of how they will treat others in future.
10. Zikr.
Engaging them in zikr of Allahswt so they are use to from young praising and glorifying him.
"…Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28)
Remembrance of Allah indeed is the greatest virtue.(29:46).
O ye who believe let not your wealth and your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah . (63:10)
O ye who believe, remember Allah much. And glorify Him morning and evening (33:42-43)
Ask yourself, does my home meet each of my
children's individual needs: physiological needs, safety and
protection, love and belonging, self esteem? Children are a trust and have
certain needs and rights that is a must to fulfill, especially emotionally and
spiritually. Nurturing there iman comes from the lap of the mother.
