Essential oils for children

Positive discipline

Violence doesn't teach respect, discipline is taught when respect is shown, discipline is knowing how to create a balance for needs and wants. Discipline is calm, understanding and listens to both sides. Discipline looks after the heart and body. Discipline is not establish in an environment of hurt and hostility, which create resentment, resistance, rebellion (or compliance with lowered self-esteem). Closeness and trust create a safe learning environment. You have a positive influence only in an atmosphere of closeness and trust where there is no fear of blame, shame or pain. Positive discipline is needed everyday for a little heart to understand right and wrong. It establish the scene of direction and teaches responsibility and respect.Discipline teaches suitable,child age appropriate life skills, is kind and firm at the same time. It brings up children with morals and the ability to follow rules and think for themselves. How we handle our emotions and words, will have the most impact on how we bring up our children-to teach respect we need to be respectful of little arms, little feet, and little hearts #againstchildabuse

Jane Nelsen gives the following criteria for “effective discipline that teaches”:

FIVE CRITERIA FOR POSITIVE DISCIPLINE 

1. Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)
2. Is mutually respectful and encouraging. (Kind and firm at the same time.)
3. Is effective long - term. (Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
4. Teaches important social and life skills . (Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.)
5. Invites children to discover how capable they are. (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)

- See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/what-is-positive-discipline.html#sthash.ZsZQIlLi.dpuf

Ten mistakes parents make with children

I write this as a reflection on parenting. Ten mistakes parents make with their children (in no particular order)

1.Using too many negative words or phrases

Words have a very powerful effect on the mind set. Think for a second of the words that you repeat to yourself, what comes to your head when your sad or anger. Sadly a lot of children have grown up with some form of emotional abuses- words that hurt their self image or perception of themselves. As parents, we really need to fill our child's "bucket" so to say, with as many positive affirmation that will build them up to walk out into a nasty world.

2.Having personal expectation that are damaging to the growth of the child.

Children are capable but they work with different time frames. What one of my son did at eleven months, another only started at two! Childhood is not a competition to meet the next mile stone!

Be engaged, interested, loving, creative and you wont to able to STOP them from learning and being positive contributors to life. Put God first, trust in Him all the way, and throw away the high expectation or self indulged beliefs of how a child "SHOULD" treat you, or should act, or should be. They were created for a very different time to your own upbringing. With that in mind, you are preparing your child for a world as an adult, that neither parent may ever experience or understand. Iam all for respect and good manners, but don't screw the life or childhood out of a child or expect nothing of them that they feel what value do they bring to the earth.

3.Not being flexible. Being too hard.

My pet hate-when a parent comes down hard or belittling to a child, yet they wouldn't use the same approach to others. Not allowing for the individual needs of the child or pushing them so hard in a task that they need up in tears or resenting the process. Its not about the end result, its about he process. I am big on dedication and persistence despite a task being hard, but I am also level headed enough to see when a child has had enough or needs a break.Respect them will only earn you respect.

4.Too controlling

I notice most of the problems that arise in families is the need for the parents to control or have too much input into their child's life, even when they hit adulthood. Now don't get me wrong, everyone needs support, guidance and advise but each person has to make their own mind about what is best for them to do in their life, even if we think we know best. Just because we care for a child, regardless of their age, and especially so as they get older, doesn't mean we can dictate to them how they should live their life...

5.No balance in parenting

Affection and loving, yet have rules and  appropriate consequences.Some parents are too hard, other lack of consequences, teaching their children little responsibility. Allow some free choice. Allow children to make choices in life where possible, but be there for guidance and supervision.And don't play favorite!

6.Keep up the communication from birth

Children own self- reflection on their own learning and thinking, is important for good emotional intelligence.The benefits of sounds emotional intelligence in today's visual world are crucial, as it is a skill a lot of adults are not good at- the basis of good interpersonal relationships and communication with others through out life.Through interaction with others we learn about the world around us. Oh the television and internet are not a significant part of your child's life. Let me repeat that- if you make the tv or internet your child's main communicator in the early childhood years, it will have the most powerful and enduing effect on them for life, effecting their brain development, health and well being in all negative ways(too much research to back this up!!!!) Dont believe me,here is one source  http://ww2.rch.org.au/emplibrary/ccch/PB_16_template_final_web.pdf

7.Not having routine or boundaries

Time can not be replace. Teaching children from young to have some responsibility towards their time and how they use it. Parents need to teach and show a good example towards this. If our head is  in a phone or ipad, than children will follow suit. We are the most powerful role models to a child life. Provide well planned out environment within the home and outside that meets the physical, human and organisational needs of the children.Ask yourself, does my home meet each of my children's individual needs: physiological needs, safety and protection, love and belonging, self esteem? Children are a trust and have certain needs and rights that is a must to fulfill, especially emotionally and spiritually.

8.Children are an interruption

No they are not- you cant fit in everything else and than get annoyed or frustrated when  a child has a need or request. "Our idea of life might be interrupting our parenting, though. We want to be more than “just a mom,” but would more do our kids want from us? They are thrilled with us being “just a mom.” We look up to people who have dedicated their lives to their work, but yet we don’t look at parenthood the same way? That’s not fair." http://www.middlewaymom.com/2013/12/kids-interruption/

9.Doing too much for them. 

Doing too much for our children, and Ia m not just talking about washing here, can make them too dependent on other people for their needs. Teaching  our children how to be more independent and helpful as they become older is a way that they are going to learn how to became their own person. It hinders their development and self image, as they are unable to do the most basic of task. When children are given opportunities or responsibilities that are age appropriate, they can do a lot of learning and feel capable, giving a positive self-image. I especially my boys to help in some way, so they value the importance of helping each other in a family unit.

10.Providing an environment of disconnection.

Have some  natural connection to nature and outdoors. Children by nature, like to experiment, change things and explore.Being a parent means focusing on the here and now as much as we can before they grow up and are out of our hands.Live an interesting life. You are interpreting the world to your child. Is it fascinating for you? Are you engaged in creating, in thinking, in knowing different people, in teaching new skills, in beach walks, in travel, in play/outdoor games/sports, in eye opening, min opening experiences? Children should be encourage to respect, care for and appreciate the natural environment.

These are my own reflections and opinions and every parents sees things differently. In saying that I hope some of the points may help assist us all to make less mistakes as parents and provide a stable, solid, positive base for the upbringing of our children. Ameen!

Dear Mum

Some of the points in this blog post really hit home to me, as they say, mothers never lie. I realize  I have never been fat ever in my life (except after birth weight) yet I have always been conditioned to believe to fear being fat, and that the thinner I was, would make me more beautiful. I love my body with all its flaws, bloated tummy at times, and will a concert effort to not condemn my body, especially as I get older, and to value my inner beauty over my outer. Its funny from a young child I would tell my mother that she was beautiful, because in my eyes she is beautiful, and I never got a positive response from this remark.I remember this incredibly beautiful picture of her at the age of 18, which she tore up for some unknown reason (probably will never know why).  An innocence child eyes are than open from a young age that being beautiful is almost unattainable if your not super thin. So I ask all, that whatever your weight, please lets stop this fear of fat equals ones worth. Words have a huge impact on ones life and especially to a young child.

https://medium.com/human-parts/bf5111e68cc1
Please have a read

Parenting and my special boys

Let’s pack happiness into our children so the baggage they take into adulthood is goodness, confidence, and kindness instead of packing bags of hurt, struggle, and loneliness that will weigh them down for life. ~L.R.Knost

I hope I can live by this goal and my beautiful boys, all four of them grow up to have happy lives, to impact the world in good and noble ways and leave a good mark. To be able to communicate with respect and show their feelings. To be around people that respect them and their voice. I feel too many times children are just shut out of the world, shut out by their parents and by their teachers, even told to shut up. Its such a horrible put down. to tell a person that your voice doesn't matter.

Parenting in a hard path to walk on, but children will grow up to become adults that are a reflection of words, the touch, the example, the behavior we have towards them, in front of them has a lasting effect. You see the most valuable things in life take time and effort to nurture.  Children of the next generation need to be looked after, not see their parents back to a computer screen or head ingraved into a phone or ipad.They need their parents faces in their hands, loving and protective. I am not saying catering to their every needs or whim. But giving quality time each day to each child  as a parent makes the decision to bring each child into this earth. May be some are not planned, but they are part of us and need to be looked after, not overlooked or neglected because we are busy!.

When I studied child development and abuses the worst form of punishment/abuse wasn't physical, or emotional, or spiritual but it was neglect. Down right neglect of a child's needs, not basic  needs for food, shelter and clothing, but neglect of their need for love, their need for warmth, their need for hugs and touch, their needs for positive affirmation of who their are, so many parents are busy, busy , busy that they don't give a simple hug and one second kiss to their child face at least once a day. That is sooo sad. I mean a generation of children with computer and mobile phone parents, cause they haven't knocked off work they have knocked out of reality to meet their needs to be affirmed, make their place in the world,  yet forgotten that small child needs them now. That small child will grow up into a teenager that will say , see ya later! Because parents need to give the most quality time when a child is most in need of them. 

If you have three children, give them equal love and time. If you have five children, give them love and equal quality time, even if it be five minters. If you have ten, do it. Because one day they will grow up in the blind of an eye and  they wont call home because you didn't call them to show love and care. This subject is so close to my heart. My mother had nine children, yes nine children and she never failed once to kiss us good night before going to bed each night when we were little. So parents if you have a lessor number, why is it so hard to show a little mercy to our children? They are the next generation, we want to leave better people for their planet, but people that have hold more pain in their heart, more hopelessness  more sadness or loneliness because their basic needs for love, care, positive touch were not meant at such a small and tender age!

They DO grow up and they DO move out quicker than one knows. Dont ever hesitate telling another human how much you love them. Yes they are hard at times, they test us at times, they leave us so tired at times, they cry, but they are valuable and need assistance and love and care. Yes I am going to emphasis this till the day I die. Treat our children with lots of love, lots of care, lots of LISTENING, lots of understanding and we may have a better world by making better little people.

A read a blog that describe how a  father couldn't understand why his daughter was fighting with him so much, He ask her to write a letter to communicate better. She wrote back " Okay, you asked, so I’ll tell you. You were always happy because you were always in control. Want to know why I don’t talk to you now? Because you never listened when I was little. When I was scared in my room at night and called you, you either ignored me or threatened to spank me if I didn’t go to sleep. I’d lay there, crying so hard I’d almost throw up, terrified of the sounds and shadows in my room, but even more terrified of you. So, sorry, but I don’t buy that you’re ‘there for me’ when it’s only ever been at your own convenience. When you were mad at something I’d done and I tried to explain myself, you’d call it backtalk and smack me in the mouth. So forgive me if I don’t really believe you when you say you want to ‘communicate’ with me now. When I’d try to show you a dance I’d made up or tell you about how someone had pushed me on the playground, you couldn’t even be bothered to look away from your stupid computer while I was talking, so if I’m wrapped up in my electronics, I learned that little trick from you, Father Dear. Oh, and reconnect? Really? That implies that we were once connected. when I was a little girl and invited you into my world and asked you to play with me, you were always too busy. So if you don’t understand me, sorry, but that invitation expired years ago. Want to know why I think you hate me? Because your actions told me so. Your ‘love’ is just words"

My question to you and myself, how 'there' are we to each of our children?

May we be better parents to our children and to others children. I love you my 14 year old Nabil, my 9 year old Ayyub Yahya, my six year old Ebraahim and my eigth month old Shuaib Yunus. May my words be always in action ameen.

    

A home schooling teenager incredible assignment

This documentary seems like a good one for teenagers and young adults.

A troubled 15-year-old boy attempting to cope with the recent death of his mother sets out to research Dr. Max Gerson's claims of a diet that can cure cancer as his first assignment for home-schooling in this documentary from filmmaker Steve Kroschel (Avalanche, Dying to Have Known). Garrett is a boy who has always been close to nature. He lives on a reserve with a menagerie of orphaned animals, and over the years he's become especially sensitive to the nutritional needs of the diet-sensitive animals he's charged with caring for. When Garrett's mother suffers a tragic and untimely death, the boy falls into a dangerous downward spiral and nearly flunks out of school. Increasingly concerned for Garrett's well-being and determined to strengthen their bond despite the many challenges on the horizon, his father makes the decision to begin home-schooling the distressed teen. Garrett's first assignment: study a controversial book written by Dr. Max Gerson, a physician who claims to have discovered a diet that's capable of curing cancer. Is Dr. Gerson's therapy truly the legitimate, alternative cure it appears to be? In order to find out the truth behind this long-suppressed treatment, Garrett interviews not only Dr. Gerson's family members, but various doctors, skeptics, and cancer patients as well. His studies completed and his findings revelatory, Garrett now sets out to tell the entire world about The Gerson Miracle. 

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beautiful-truth/

Toddlers tantrums-understanding and advice

Babies and toddlers primary and secondary  experiences within the family context,especially in the first two years will have a huge bearing on how they learns about the social and emotional world of self, others and objects.  Satisfactory attachment is essential to emotional development in this development time.

 Parental patterns of reacting and interaction with baby and toddler shapes their behavior and perception of the world. I do know its very normal for toddlers to have an intense feelings such as  dislike, frustration, jealousy that cause tantrums. Toddlers do not have the ability to control their emotions and inhibitions. Emotions are being experiences that are new and can actually frightening a young child as to how to handle frustration, sadness, anger, hurt etc.They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative. That is their way to deal with the stress in there life. 

Toddlers are generally unable to verbalize their feelings, often not having the words to describe their fears and worries, nor are they able to take positive action towards managing stress when it arises.As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease. She can understand alot of what is going on but cant yet grasp how to handle it.

Parents may have feelings of frustration, annoyances, and confusion as to what is going wrong and why, which  is very normal when entering a different stage of child development stage, namely the toddler years. Toddlers will be doing simple experiments in cause and effect in their real life encounters   with others, including in their relationships with others.Items that are taken from them can cause them great emotional pain, as they associate a toy or something they have as an extension to themselves.

 Temperament plays into it also, whereby some characters find it haredr to get along with others as much as other toddlers there age.Some cultural background do not  understand expectations of children and toddlers behavior so a high amount of negative discipline may occur. Toddlers  are at a age where  wants more autonomy and attention and needs active, positive encouragement of the boundaries to be set. They don't have the memory recall to remember that she/he shouldn't do an action or touch something etc. Thats why we end up saying the  same thing over and over till about the age of 4 years :) :)

 Negative behavior or negative discipline, such as shouting or a smacking, will only increase her/his frustration and sense of insecurity. What is needed is compassion, calmness from parents,  to     teach them the all-important life skills of learning to reduce their negative responses to stress.

 Relaxation skills form an important part of self-coping skills for toddlers and children and, when learned effectively, can stay with them throughout their lives. I find what helps is trying to give toddlers some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums.

Khadija

In the course of researching an article about crawling (of all
things), I can across some absolutely beautiful words by Dr. Alan
Green, pediatrician:

"This is our goal:  to provide a nurturing environment where a child
can develop at his optimum pace.  We don't want to hurry him; we do 
want to encourage him.  We also want to identify anything that may be
an obstacle in his path."

He then advises a concerned grandmother to "observe your grandson's
spontaneous play.  This will give you the best clues to the 
developmental tasks that are important for him to learn next.
Children tend to be most excited about skills they are on the brink of
mastering.  If you try to engage him in an activity that is beneath
his developmental level, he will quickly get bored.  If you try to 
interest him in something that he is not yet ready for, he will become
upset.  (Note:  babies don't tend to cry when they fail, but rather
when the activity isn't at the right developmental level)...Provide 
situations where he can teach himself through playful exploration.
Forced teaching hinders development."

(source:  www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&action=detail&ref=354 )

The human capacity for change

Salams all,

This link resonated with me. http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/worship/fasting-ramadan/the-human-capacity-for-change/

Over the last year I have experiences many physical changes, both in my body in carrying my fourth child and being sick and incapable at times, to major changes in my environment, food, culture,language,  socialization due to moving overseas. What I have learnt is change beings much self reflection and growth, as one needs to changes ones habits to adapted. I lived a life in the last year before I left Australia, as many of you do, of rushing from one thing or activities to another. The days were full of family needs, household needs, my own personal needs (finish studies and some socialization with friends), inlaws needs and community needs. Productivity was high on the list, yet quality time out to read deeny books,increase in deeny knowledge, time aside to  make zikr constantly and do extra sunnah  salats for every pray, seem at times, in the way to the many things on my ever to do list,  Sometimes I never sat on the couch a few days in a row. Iam writing this because what I have realized it if you don't stop, and take it easy on yourself, something happens that burns all that inner contentment out the door.

 So I ask you what are you escaping from? What I mean is what are you doing in life to ran away from  stopping to feel and see ones self improvement. Take a moment to reflect on the things in your life you rarely ever reflect on, because Ramadan is the perfect time to do so, before it leaves us. Self reflection is a human trait found in people that slow down and stop to look within themselves. They grow the potential to make themselves ever better. Change is dislike but it opens one mind and heart to the potential that is within us to be more, give more, to help more, to live more.

I hope when this Ramandan ends, we have all reflected and have intention to grow our potential in every aspect of our life. We only live life once, make it worth it!

Have No Regrets

Umar (may Allāh be pleased with him):

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

How to get Allahswt mercy from Who Gets Allah's Mercy by Nouman Ali Khan-with important points‏

Salams

Let us strive to be among at least one of the groups who gets the mercy of Allah swt. May Allah swt make it easy for us. So worth listening to this talk. Some notes that may help. May Allahswt ride our hearts of show off, pride and arrogance and have the best of qualities. Duas pls

Khadija

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4iFY1g0b5s

Some important  points from the talk

• Who Gets Allah's Mercy by Nouman Ali Khan-with important points‏

Deal with people peacefully . 

Group one- people who control their emotions and anger, who are humble and let it go (dont enter into arguments. Some family members may upset you especially with issues of deen. Have a soft heart towards those who do not practice deen as much as you.

Prophet Musa was told to be nice to Pharaoh in speech "And speak to him gently so that he may take reminder or become *'khashiya'"

*'Khashiya' is usually translated as fear. However, according to br. Nouman Ali Khan, that is a very shallow translation as there are 12 different words in the Quran that are translated as fear. The words 'khauf' and 'taqwa' for example, a also both translated as fear. 'Khashiya' does mean fear, but it's a very specific type of fear. It is a fear of something magnanimous, that simply being in it's presence makes us humbled.

SubhanAllah this got me thinking, if a man as bad as firaun deserves to be spoken gently to, how much more deserving do our wife or husband, our children, our students, our friends or even our leaders do? This is a very simple yet powerful advice from Allah SWT

Second group- One that does tahajuud. He mention that the Allahswt loves the people more who control their anger over the people who pray to him all nigth

Third group- They ask Allahswt to protect them from hell fire,from its sights and they don't want to see it short or long term.

Some people will taste cold air from the hell fire and a little bit of air touch them, they will say, " I must be in the worst part of hell fire"

Fourth group- They spend money carefully, are responsible and not cheap either.They are balance in their budget, they do not exaggerated with their wealth. They do not take loans. They are the type that use their wealth/money to help others, to assist others instead of spending on themselves.

Teach children to earn their money, don't just give it to them, so they learn to take responsibility. 

Fifth group- Those that don't call on anyone but Allahswt. They do not kill anyone or commit major sins (zina etc). for example a convert whose family are all non Muslim yet she/he keeps worshiping Allahswt. Or a young man or woman ( teenager) that lives in place of fitna or goes to place of fitna (school,university, shops) yet holds on to worship only of Allahswt. 

He reminds teenagers that they are adults (its only a western concept to think of older teenagers as those that lack responsibility or that don't know the difference between right or wrong.) They are seen as adults in Islam. He reminds these people to don't follow shatian  whispers and say to yourself, "I am a gonna or man I have done a lot of sin so I might as well do more" That person who repentance and does good deeds AFTER doing bad sins, than Allahswt promise he will CONVERT those sins, even thou they are the size of a mountain, he will change those bad deeds to GOOd deeds!!!

He goes on about sins and caring about ones sins.

Sixth group- They never sit or be in a gathering of evil. If they find themselves in this gathering, or useless conversation they pass by without disturbing or embarrassing them. 

Respect people when you advice them. Those that do bad deeds, advice them or ran away, dont put yourself in a situation whereby you also commit that sin.

Seven group who gets Allahswt mercy- When they are reminded of the ayat of their Master(reminder), they didnt pass over those ayats, they dont overlook, they remind themselves to improve themselves.

The crisis of our Ummah is the Family unit is being destroyed . Families dont know what their roles are anymore. Protect our family unit. The biggest priority that a parent should have is the practice of Islam by their children. That their iman and taqwa is in build without a parent standing over them.

Yaqaab was so worried by what his sons would worship after his death that he questioned them in the Quran, 

Nay, but you [yourselves, O children of Israel,] bear witness ¹⁰⁷  that when death was approaching Jacob, he said unto his sons: "Whom will you worship after I am gone?" They answered: "We will worship thy God, the God of thy forefathers Abraham and Ishmael ¹⁰⁸  and Isaac, the One God; and unto Him will we surrender ourselves."

He gave them tarbiyyah  (naseehah (advice) of self improvement ?) (my explanation could be better)

In this ayat he speaks of asking Allahswt to give us Heba (means from a gift) in regard to our offspring, wifes/husbands that make us feel happy (tears of joy with regards to our family). Nowadays people have lost happiness with their families. 

Reminder to father/husband to not be a anger person that the family members are afraid of. Be friends to your children, as the time is different , we live in 2013. Our children will only get the love of Islam only from you. Play with your children, be aware, direct them. make your kids LOVE you, if the fathers dont do this, we will LOSE our children, our ummah if fathers are not connected to their children and guide them with love

Sister,  stop being anger at your husband. Be nice to them, SMILE to them, dress up for them

Brothers, say nice things to your wife. Attend the majids, make effort yourself. Show love to her. The work of this ummah is to fix the family, to not fight  Father and mother have to work as a team, loving to each other. Your the iman of your house. make sure your household has taqwa

If your a good father/mother than your sons/daughters will be good wives and husband inshAllah ameen.

Your family members will be tied to the father/husband and they will raise or pull them up or pull them down. You will need commission from their good deeds.

Beautiful story of a couple that converted to Islam last year and they traveled to visit all the majids of Amercia. When he questioned him how he converted, the man said , " I find in my linage that my great grand father was actually a muslim, so I research and decided to revert to Islam."

Allahswt will give high lofty palaces for the ones that have patience, control their anger and  HAVE constantly. Sabar mean s a life time choice, a way to choose to live our lives with constant patience in life, than we get the reward of this palaces that the angles will tour guide us around isnhAllah ameen.

If you only got to level one of jannah Allahswt will try to "up grade" us to higher levels inshallah ameen. We will constantly be excited and upgraded permanently by the fruit, food, things we get in Jannah. We will keep moving up:)

This is from my listening so pls overlook and forgive any mistakes. May Allahswt make us of the one the stands in one of these groups so that we gets Allahswt mercy and jannah- everlasting paradise

Allahswt make us our wives and husband, children ,parents, sisters and brother ones that love the Quran, read arabic so will, inspire us to follow our Rasuallah saw

He emphasis arabic and made it a part of his life-he hopes and prays we will be inspired to use 20 mins a day to learn arabic (Arabic with husna program) http://islaamicresources.weebly.com/arabic-with-husna.html 

Sacrifice is the key

How great is Allah swt, the greatest and best of planners! I am telling you,  one thing I have learnt from this hijrah to another country for my children's deen is that sacrifice is the key. I think our religion is based on some sort of sacrifice  We cant get something we want without some sacrifice involved. I hated that word -scarifice! It meant hardship, it meant tears, it meant toil, it meant extra duas, it meant  not knowing, it meant totally dependence on the planer,  it meant change, it meant EFFORT. Yet if we don't change our condition in some way, our environment  or change something within ourselves, or our plans, we cant get anywhere. We stay still- we don't move ahead. If we don't  change or sacrifice something, be it the way we use  our time, our familiar surrounding, looking after our heath, out out look,our mind set etc we stay the same, and that can result in a person that never grows

I hope you know what I mean, what  Iam trying to say.  I have been here in Malaysia almost two months and finally today was the day Allahswt shown  my husband, Nabil what school he will attend. We have worked hard and tried to get him into any school since we arrived here. I couldn't understand this week why he hasn't been able to attend school. I was at the point of having to enroll him into the Australian long distance education curriculum.   I kept hearing this voice in my head that said  don't lose hope. We had to keep focusing  on our objectives and maintaining that focus in every aspect of our lives- our children deen and how to keep them as true servants of Allahswt and his Glorious Book, the Quran .So I kept making duas and we kept trying, visiting schools and madrasahs near and far, two taking us three hours to find in a country where to find the closes main shop the first week took us three hours instead of the usual 10 mins, as we got lost.

AlumidAllah today my son Nabil called me today, after he and his father had spent three hours on the road trying to find yet again another   madrasah." Mum its the one! I really like! there is ten 13 year olds doing year one Alim, and seven 15 years and one 21 years  from Finland and a blond dude from Adelaide!  One is from Norway, one form China, one from"  as his conversation continued mentioning with excitement  the various countries the boys were from. My heart was so happy to hear those words. Everything sounded just rigth (inshAllah ameen). There are 64 students at madrasah Alhikmah  from year one alim to year six alim and some doing purely Hafiz.  

Now when we arrived in Malaysia Nabil was set on attending a normal islamic school with full curriculum  That was fine with me and as a added bonuses I wanted Arabic, as a extra subject (Most Malaysia's schools offer Arabic as it is a popular subject here alhumidAllah). After the weeks went by and my poor husband, who had been to the Education department six times over the course of almost two months, to a shieks house and local politician to find out why they haven't process Nabils application from, still no answers available. Nabil was getting bored, as an energetic  intelligent 13  year old, this was getting too much. He had been keeping himself busy  learning malay and  helping out at he beach lodge. This week I got him to watch a powerful lecture and it talked about how the youth just follow, follow everything the west demands of them. He had been quiet the last two days and than produce a letter in which he had wrote to me.It made my heart quiver   In the letter  he wrote how he would like to become a Alim and than a mufti by the age of 28, and how he wants to learn frm a scholar, learn the answers to our deen and that he didn't want to be corrupted by this dunya.

One thing I promised Nabil before we left Perth was that he would have the final say with regards to what school he went too. This was important to him, as I had deprived him of being at a main stream school, which I new and Allahswt knows best, that homeschooling him was my best option for the protection of his deen at that time in his life. This decision was, I believed one of the best I did, yet it came with  some sacrifice on both our behalf  So to  not be forced into a schooling he didn't want was not something I would do to him, as there is no compulsion in deen.  No one can be forced to do an act of worship without their full will being  involved. One thing  I heave learnt when it comes to the up bring up of my children and step sons is coercion or force just doesn't work. Because at the end of the day, the soul needs to do the action only for Allahswt pleasure to be accountable. We need to do every action with sincerity of intention. So when my son said I want to be a Alim, that was the golden words I was hearing, ones that I didn't expect, the words that Allahwt as the best planner, new  would come out at this time and place...the right time and place.......and after sacrifice!

 And so I need to let go of my son, who I have intensely at times home schooled,  shared at times 24/7 together, discussed, laughed  and argued different points of view and subjects. I have to let him go in the path of seeking knowledge, knowing that he made the final decision. He will start a six year Alim course next week and he may come back after one month or three years or finish it inshAllah. Only Allah swt knows because only Allah swt chooses who of his servants he wants to take on that  journey in life. I can only equip him with the realization from a young age that his Rabb, yours and mine, is ever there for us in times of need and ease. That our focus and attainment is his pleasure. That without the remembrance  of Allahswt, the heart can never have true contentment and will be corrupted.

Now Iam not naive  I know what this means and I know the pit falls of a madrasah life that could entail, from the many bad stories I have heard or the skills he wont be exposed too. But I believe Allahswt, as the best of planners has assisted and directed us to this path, that not many people would be able to handle- to up root and start all over again away from home, family, friends and all that is familiar- every change possible from food, weather, culture, air quality, people etc.

I  have made my fair share of mistakes as a parent but I know the secret really is to bring up our children with the love, awareness and realization of how great Allahswt is, how much we are need him and how we must turn to him, have a dialogue with him, and aside our affairs to his trust. And dua!! never ending dua.

 I write this to inspire other parents to realize that with effort, Allahswt will save our children inshallah from the pit falls of this dunya. We may not need to leave our beloved homes, but we need to make every effort to nurture our children's iman and do everything possible to show them the beauty of Islam and protect, yes protect them with open eyes form the filthy and fitna of this dunya. With that said, many will do everything possible and hedayet is only in Allahswt hands, yet we need  to make the effort so that we can say full hearty that we tried the best we could to bring up our children in Islam- a beautiful way of life.

Kind Regards,

Khadija