Ten mistakes parents make with children

I write this as a reflection on parenting. Ten mistakes parents make with their children (in no particular order)

1.Using too many negative words or phrases

Words have a very powerful effect on the mind set. Think for a second of the words that you repeat to yourself, what comes to your head when your sad or anger. Sadly a lot of children have grown up with some form of emotional abuses- words that hurt their self image or perception of themselves. As parents, we really need to fill our child's "bucket" so to say, with as many positive affirmation that will build them up to walk out into a nasty world.

2.Having personal expectation that are damaging to the growth of the child.

Children are capable but they work with different time frames. What one of my son did at eleven months, another only started at two! Childhood is not a competition to meet the next mile stone!

Be engaged, interested, loving, creative and you wont to able to STOP them from learning and being positive contributors to life. Put God first, trust in Him all the way, and throw away the high expectation or self indulged beliefs of how a child "SHOULD" treat you, or should act, or should be. They were created for a very different time to your own upbringing. With that in mind, you are preparing your child for a world as an adult, that neither parent may ever experience or understand. Iam all for respect and good manners, but don't screw the life or childhood out of a child or expect nothing of them that they feel what value do they bring to the earth.

3.Not being flexible. Being too hard.

My pet hate-when a parent comes down hard or belittling to a child, yet they wouldn't use the same approach to others. Not allowing for the individual needs of the child or pushing them so hard in a task that they need up in tears or resenting the process. Its not about the end result, its about he process. I am big on dedication and persistence despite a task being hard, but I am also level headed enough to see when a child has had enough or needs a break.Respect them will only earn you respect.

4.Too controlling

I notice most of the problems that arise in families is the need for the parents to control or have too much input into their child's life, even when they hit adulthood. Now don't get me wrong, everyone needs support, guidance and advise but each person has to make their own mind about what is best for them to do in their life, even if we think we know best. Just because we care for a child, regardless of their age, and especially so as they get older, doesn't mean we can dictate to them how they should live their life...

5.No balance in parenting

Affection and loving, yet have rules and  appropriate consequences.Some parents are too hard, other lack of consequences, teaching their children little responsibility. Allow some free choice. Allow children to make choices in life where possible, but be there for guidance and supervision.And don't play favorite!

6.Keep up the communication from birth

Children own self- reflection on their own learning and thinking, is important for good emotional intelligence.The benefits of sounds emotional intelligence in today's visual world are crucial, as it is a skill a lot of adults are not good at- the basis of good interpersonal relationships and communication with others through out life.Through interaction with others we learn about the world around us. Oh the television and internet are not a significant part of your child's life. Let me repeat that- if you make the tv or internet your child's main communicator in the early childhood years, it will have the most powerful and enduing effect on them for life, effecting their brain development, health and well being in all negative ways(too much research to back this up!!!!) Dont believe me,here is one source  http://ww2.rch.org.au/emplibrary/ccch/PB_16_template_final_web.pdf

7.Not having routine or boundaries

Time can not be replace. Teaching children from young to have some responsibility towards their time and how they use it. Parents need to teach and show a good example towards this. If our head is  in a phone or ipad, than children will follow suit. We are the most powerful role models to a child life. Provide well planned out environment within the home and outside that meets the physical, human and organisational needs of the children.Ask yourself, does my home meet each of my children's individual needs: physiological needs, safety and protection, love and belonging, self esteem? Children are a trust and have certain needs and rights that is a must to fulfill, especially emotionally and spiritually.

8.Children are an interruption

No they are not- you cant fit in everything else and than get annoyed or frustrated when  a child has a need or request. "Our idea of life might be interrupting our parenting, though. We want to be more than “just a mom,” but would more do our kids want from us? They are thrilled with us being “just a mom.” We look up to people who have dedicated their lives to their work, but yet we don’t look at parenthood the same way? That’s not fair." http://www.middlewaymom.com/2013/12/kids-interruption/

9.Doing too much for them. 

Doing too much for our children, and Ia m not just talking about washing here, can make them too dependent on other people for their needs. Teaching  our children how to be more independent and helpful as they become older is a way that they are going to learn how to became their own person. It hinders their development and self image, as they are unable to do the most basic of task. When children are given opportunities or responsibilities that are age appropriate, they can do a lot of learning and feel capable, giving a positive self-image. I especially my boys to help in some way, so they value the importance of helping each other in a family unit.

10.Providing an environment of disconnection.

Have some  natural connection to nature and outdoors. Children by nature, like to experiment, change things and explore.Being a parent means focusing on the here and now as much as we can before they grow up and are out of our hands.Live an interesting life. You are interpreting the world to your child. Is it fascinating for you? Are you engaged in creating, in thinking, in knowing different people, in teaching new skills, in beach walks, in travel, in play/outdoor games/sports, in eye opening, min opening experiences? Children should be encourage to respect, care for and appreciate the natural environment.

These are my own reflections and opinions and every parents sees things differently. In saying that I hope some of the points may help assist us all to make less mistakes as parents and provide a stable, solid, positive base for the upbringing of our children. Ameen!