Toddlers tantrums-understanding and advice

Babies and toddlers primary and secondary  experiences within the family context,especially in the first two years will have a huge bearing on how they learns about the social and emotional world of self, others and objects.  Satisfactory attachment is essential to emotional development in this development time.

 Parental patterns of reacting and interaction with baby and toddler shapes their behavior and perception of the world. I do know its very normal for toddlers to have an intense feelings such as  dislike, frustration, jealousy that cause tantrums. Toddlers do not have the ability to control their emotions and inhibitions. Emotions are being experiences that are new and can actually frightening a young child as to how to handle frustration, sadness, anger, hurt etc.They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative. That is their way to deal with the stress in there life. 

Toddlers are generally unable to verbalize their feelings, often not having the words to describe their fears and worries, nor are they able to take positive action towards managing stress when it arises.As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease. She can understand alot of what is going on but cant yet grasp how to handle it.

Parents may have feelings of frustration, annoyances, and confusion as to what is going wrong and why, which  is very normal when entering a different stage of child development stage, namely the toddler years. Toddlers will be doing simple experiments in cause and effect in their real life encounters   with others, including in their relationships with others.Items that are taken from them can cause them great emotional pain, as they associate a toy or something they have as an extension to themselves.

 Temperament plays into it also, whereby some characters find it haredr to get along with others as much as other toddlers there age.Some cultural background do not  understand expectations of children and toddlers behavior so a high amount of negative discipline may occur. Toddlers  are at a age where  wants more autonomy and attention and needs active, positive encouragement of the boundaries to be set. They don't have the memory recall to remember that she/he shouldn't do an action or touch something etc. Thats why we end up saying the  same thing over and over till about the age of 4 years :) :)

 Negative behavior or negative discipline, such as shouting or a smacking, will only increase her/his frustration and sense of insecurity. What is needed is compassion, calmness from parents,  to     teach them the all-important life skills of learning to reduce their negative responses to stress.

 Relaxation skills form an important part of self-coping skills for toddlers and children and, when learned effectively, can stay with them throughout their lives. I find what helps is trying to give toddlers some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums.

Khadija

In the course of researching an article about crawling (of all
things), I can across some absolutely beautiful words by Dr. Alan
Green, pediatrician:

"This is our goal:  to provide a nurturing environment where a child
can develop at his optimum pace.  We don't want to hurry him; we do 
want to encourage him.  We also want to identify anything that may be
an obstacle in his path."

He then advises a concerned grandmother to "observe your grandson's
spontaneous play.  This will give you the best clues to the 
developmental tasks that are important for him to learn next.
Children tend to be most excited about skills they are on the brink of
mastering.  If you try to engage him in an activity that is beneath
his developmental level, he will quickly get bored.  If you try to 
interest him in something that he is not yet ready for, he will become
upset.  (Note:  babies don't tend to cry when they fail, but rather
when the activity isn't at the right developmental level)...Provide 
situations where he can teach himself through playful exploration.
Forced teaching hinders development."

(source:  www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&action=detail&ref=354 )