What inspires you to value yourself as a Muslim Woman?"

What inspires you to value yourself as a Muslim Woman?"

My iman. Iam beautiful because I have iman.. I hold courage. Iam  strengthen by my Lord."And whoever puts his trust in Allah'swt then he will suffice him." I thought I loved Allahswt the most when I was 16 years old but at 34 I realize  that I love and trust him more than I ever have and that is the greatest gift of all iman, faith, belief, love in Allahswt the most ♡♡How comforting is the heart with Allahswt in it. We don't talk about our love for him yet he is ever giving ,ever aware, ever merciful. He values us by giving us this great gift. 

Iam beautiful because I have Allahswt as my protecting friend. My patron and helper. The most   merciful of all those that show merciful. Allahswt inspires me to hold onto his rope and inshaAllah never let go. He reminds me when I am in despair that he can change any condition and he provides from unexpected means.

A muslim woman is valued for her intellect and conduct. Her character and her actions.She walks a path of carefulness in words and stays strong taking refuge in the remembrance of her Lord O you who believe! be patient and excel in patience and remain steadfast, and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, that you may be successful.

Beautiful. Courage. Patience. Strength. These are her hall mark. She stands knowing that her Lord is encouraging to keep striving and that after night fall the sun rises on another day, another opportunity. Her day starts knowing that she was created for a higher purpose and ends in  reflection, is she closer to achieving her success in this life and towards the eternal goal of meeting his face and enjoying the delights of jannah, where no heart is broken and no eye sheds a tear.

She is beautiful because she is focus on cultivating her inner light. That is her value-her iman faith love of Allahswt, who loves her so intensely. AlhumidaAllah being tested hard in the last three years has freed me from a lifetime of slavery to other people. Being the slave of Allahswt and Allahswt alone is the most empowering gift of all, once realized. This make our value so high. My inspiration comes from my trust in my Lord who allows me to thank him, to be grateful for all the blessings in my life and to learn and grow from all the tests in my life. 

And In Allahswt we trust. How suffice is our Lord for us? All encompassing. 

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Ten tips to cultivate iman faith in our children.

           Ten tips to cultivate iman faith in our children

1..Love of Allahswt and his attributes. Teaching tawhid

Discussion in every day of Allah swt good qualities. For example when patting a pet cat we can discuss how Allah swt is Al Wadud, the Loving and he loves us to be loving. Using his qualities to every day discussion and examples with our children.

Many studies show the importance of children connection to the great outdoors and in nature. Its important to take children outside and remind them of all the beautiful creations and landscapes that Allahswt has created. From young reminding them "Who made the sea" while swimming and playing at the sea. So they have a realisation instilled in them that Allah swt is the beginner and  end result of everything.

A story of one Scholar during the taabien time. He was brought up by his uncle.  His uncle taught him three statements to say to himself before bed

"Allahswt is with me. Allahswt is witnessing me. Allah swt is watching me." 

He said this had a profound effect on his life as an adult as these reminders were established in his heart from saying them every night before he slept.

2.Trust in Allahswt and dua
Teaching seeking Allah swt help and assistance through pray and duas. Teaching them to always put their trust in  Allah swt. Many Prophets would use the power of dua for their offspring

For example duas at all different times of the day and evening. For example think of the dua of sleep.

"Our children reminding themselves that Allah swt alone can bring them safely through the night; that He alone restores their consciousness after sleep; that He alone has the power to take our soul whenever He chooses, are all messages that cultivate a healthy god-consciousness". 
- See more at: http://www.newislamicdirections.com/articles/what_we_should_be_teaching_our_children/#sthash.vu8UZBFs.dpuf

´ “And those who say: our Lord Grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes, and make us a leader for the righteous”

    Prophet Zakariya :

´ My lord, grant me from yourself a good offspring. Indeed, you are the hearer of supplication

´ Prophet Ibrahim :

´ My Lord grant me (a child) from among the righteous. Se we gave him good tidings of a forbearing boy.

´ “Our Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our offspring a nation submissive unto You, and show us our Manasik (all the ceremonies of pilgrimage – Hajj and Umrah, etc.), and accept our repentance. Truly, You are the One Who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful

3.Teaching the stories of the Shabahes and Prophets. 

They characters, qualities, scarifies, significant events. Explains  what great people they were who shrived to please Allah swt and so they reinforce to the children that these are our real heroes and heroines. Oral story reading to a child is very important for children to scaffold their oral and reading skills  and to create a bond towards the lessons learnt, as the mothers lap creates the foundation of engaged learning.

"Oral language precedes a child’s acquisition of reading skills such as phonemic awareness and comprehension (Reutzel and Cooter, 2003). Phonemic awareness is the ability to recognize the smallest units of speech sounds, and comprehension is the ability to understand what is read—identifying the story’s main character or retelling a story that was read aloud, for example. 

Children must have a receptive (listening) and expressive (talking) use of oral language so they can become successful readers (Clay, 1979). Talking to children helps build their vocabulary. Oral vocabulary refers to words children recognize in speaking or listening . "

4.Love of Quran-listen to the glorious Quran from a young age. 

Always put the Quran on in the background. Encourage children to listen to the Quran. It has been proven  to have a positive effect on the listeners  The car is a great place for children to listen and learn the Quran. Scientists have found that a baby gets affected by the surrounding sounds of the environment and their caregiver. There sense of hearing receives sounds and voices and recognises familiar or smoothing sounds. A baby is found to than store these sounds in their memory even when they are incapable of using them in in proper word form. No doubt  this store memory is later use for speech formation. That is why the nursing mother is encouraged to read and listen to the holy Quran. 

5.Good deeds
Encouraging and praising them for any good deeds they do. Explain the consequences of their actions, they is a repercussion of all our actions.

When we journey to the next life we will see the consequences of our actions, both good and bad. Not allowing for the individual needs of the child or pushing them so hard in a task or deed  that they need up in tears or resenting the process, they will loss the beauty of the good deed. Its not about the end result, its about the process. Teaching dedication and persistence despite a task being hard, but its important for a parent to respect the child's needs and give a break or stop when needed. If not a child may develop a negative connection towards that deed and thus not do it out of a desire from within themselves, but to please or obey and adult. While that may be good while they are a child, when they enter adult they will not have a positive connection to that deed and may lose or discard it. We call this conditional learning. For example a positive reinforcement will usually increase a positive good action or behavior. More important it will produce a positive emotional response to that deed. e.g Every time  seven year old Ali reads his Quran he gets a cuddle from his father and some positive encouragement. Every time Amina read her Quran her mother shouts at her for every mistakes and she ends up in tears. She has to sit for a long period without breaks .Thus she develops a dislike for this deed.

"Positive exhortation is desirable to children. Whenever Allah guides our children to memorize a portion of the Qur'an, we should offer them gifts so that the children would not forget that moment, wish not to miss the chance, and their attachment to the Qur'an increases until they reach a high degree of love and approach the Qur'an out of their love not out of fear of commands or rebuke." 

http://en.alukah.net/Society_Reform/23/1108/Sheikh Dr. Muhammad Nabulsy, "Tarbiyat Al Awlad Fi Al Islam [Raising Children in Islam]": 

6. Salat-the great transition.

As your sons get older, encourage their fathers to take them to the Mosque. The beautiful homes where Allahswt name is mentioned, praised and loved is a strong example for life long connection to Allahswt. . Encourage this good effort from young so their are instilled a love for the house of Allahswt. Salat is a transition. 
´7-10: we order them to pray without punishment and without beating.

´Because the child is not mukalaf, this stage is intended for training.

´If you punish, the child will hate you and hate prayer, they will tie the negative feeling to prayer.

´Prompting

´We prompt them to pray

´at this stage you have 3 years, 5 times a day, 365 days a year = 5,475 order, or prompt. These prompts will change, it’s a trial and error process till you find the keys to your child,

´and only after the 5,475 prompts it becomes your right to beat them if they do not pray. Other than that it is not your right to beat them

´Parents should understand that it is a great transition for the child

´Moderate gradual change, depends on the capacity of the child and their ability

10 years onwards

´  They form their priorities

´  At the age of 9: they start building their belief and value system

´  From age 9-12 this is the door between childhood and adolescence

´  It’s a good stage to form their intellectual understanding of prayer

7. Ikraam (honoring others)
Encourage giving and ikraam from a young age so their nafts doesn't become selfish and self centered. , Included in this is teaching children respect towards others and  the rights  others have on them (huqul-ibad)

“Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful (An-Nisa 4:36).”

8.Show  example of good conduct.

Good character and  sunnahs so they want to live their life like the Prophet saw and close companions.  

Prophet Muhammed was a family man yet also had balance in all aspects in his life. He had balance with mosque and family life. Children need a father that is present, aware and allocates quality time to his children. We live in a busy time but we can make time for our families especially before our children grow up and move out of home.  Parents are the secure or insecure base. Good, healthy attachment to a parent is cultivated by responding appropriately and  a nurturing of the child's emotional, spiritual, physical needs. Children that have a secure attachment to their parent have more positive outcomes long term than children who display the three patterns of insecure attachment. Affection, sensitive care giving and ,  consistently responding appropriately to a baby and toddlers needs is essential for good attachment.

The three insecure attachment are usually displayed in mothers who tend to engage in less positive physical contact, handle them awkwardly or sometimes use negative, resentful or rejecting behavior towards their young child. 

9. You- as a parent you have the strongest influence and effect on your child.
When a child sees their parents pray daily. See them devoted and turning to salat . If they see their parents drop everything at the time of salat, they learn that this is an enjoyable act.An important worship.  Ebraahim AS made dua "Let me establish salat and encourage my off spring to make salat". This is a great example of  implicit learning. Implicit learning  is the learning of complex information in an incidental manner, without awareness of what has been learned. The actions that parents do consistently each day is a form of implicit learning. 

10. Treat your children fairly
Children need a lot of love and good treatment to flare . Protect them and show a good example by never gossiping, lying, slandering or abusing others in front of them or to them. Behavioral traits such as humility, honest, patience, love and empathy  towards others can only be learnt and carried on in character if they have been shown these qualities consistently. Have mercy on our children. They live in a hard, god less world.

Positive, quality time, affection and communication is essential in a relationship with a husband and wife. If children see their parents being loving, joyful with each other, and communicating in a good way, this is a powerful example of how they will treat others in future.

10. Zikr.
Engaging them in zikr of Allahswt so they are use to from young praising and glorifying him.

"…Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28)

Remembrance of Allah indeed is the greatest virtue.(29:46).

O ye who believe let not your wealth and your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah . (63:10)

O ye who believe, remember Allah much. And glorify Him morning and evening (33:42-43)

Ask yourself, does my home meet each of my children's individual needs: physiological needs, safety and protection, love and belonging, self esteem? Children are a trust and have certain needs and rights that is a must to fulfill, especially emotionally and spiritually. Nurturing there iman comes from the lap of the mother.

Some tips to cultivate our children's iman. May our children hold onto the rope of Allah swt, Be in his protection and care and love to please Allah swt in this temporary  life journey ameen.

Balanced criticize and praise

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4C_xS8nyNk

Change-Allahswt in the heart

Change, people change, we all change- be it from life experiences, age, travels, meeting new people, greater cultural awareness, and a very important one-self awareness. Awareness of our strengths and weakness, our beliefs and perceptions of the world. I have moved back home. Home is living in Perth, Australia. Home is seeing the beautiful, stunning blue, blue shy, cool breezes, gum trees, Australian bush, sitting outside in the sun with a cuppa tea. Friends, sitting and laughing while having an aussie breakfast with friends that make one laugh and feel uplifted. Grazing and watching the river, green grass and white faces around us. Home is having old friends give hugs like they never want to let go. You really can tell who missed you and who didn't when they first lay eyes on you, and the ones that did, come running with a big smile on their face and give a hard, enduring hug like they holding on to life itself. The kind of hug that keeps with you for the rest of the day.

People come and people go, and what I have learnt about people is generally if they don't need you in their life, your be dropped out or unnoticed. But, and this is a big but, the people that have a bond, which was created before leaving and coming back, its like yesterday you were with them. Its like they embrace your presence and feel happy to have you back. They want to help and be part of your life. Sitting having hot chocolate one evening with a dear old friend and chatting for hours about life, relationship, kids and us, these conversation are so fulfilling. No mention of anyone else except us, our relationships with ourselves, with our family and with our Lord. Deep, fulfilling communication where respect, trust and care are the hallmarks, the given.

Open to the new opportunities, the new possibilities that come and being careful. Careful of who to trust and who not too, who to pour my heart out of all its worries and love and belief. Yet always knowing that the best communication, the most fulfilling and most content conversation is with my Lord. Because at the end of the day, most people come and go, while a few hold on, a few keep being thrown into each others arms,in a unforgiving world. Some wont even let you slip up, or make a mistake, or see goodness in you. Others see the world with beautiful hearts that look for the beauty, see the fragile, sensitive, goodness.  See the journey as a shared steps, together complementing each other, so aware of the flaws, yet so focused on the shared experience, finding the positive and good. Learning from each other, learning to love ourselves, learning to love Allahswt, learning that the journey is the living, not the destination.

When I moved to Malaysia for fourteen months, I was tested in many ways and pushed out of my comfort zone. I had many new experiences, some very heart breaking and  pushed me in a different direction of thinking and feeling. Yet after moving back, I miss things about Malaysia and the people. I miss that they were friendly and were ready to embrace you with a smile. I miss their love of family and visiting, their continue effort to have connection in their lives. I miss walks along the sea and  endless travels to new and exciting places. I miss feeling it was normal to be around Muslims. I miss the different head scarfs and modesty. I miss the  most the aznan, the call to pray at fajr, and the Quran reading echoing in the night.

Yet Perth was always the final destination of the journey.Being with friends that I take as my own sisters, giving the heart yet being careful, is part of the learning. Because at the  the end of the day, it was always about  our relationship between us and Allahswt. so that at all circumstances, we always expect a positive expectation of the journey he sharps for us. One lesson I have learnt is that everything, every single thing, good and bad happens for a reason. Another lesson I have learnt is that words hurt, and many a time, cant be ever taken back. Third lesson we were born to fulfill a very important, crucial goal- to please our wise Lord and do our best to be good, in heart and action, so we can enter those gardens of paradise. So many things will distracted us from that goal-weather it is the dunya, material things, education, jobs, good quality items, shopping, food, socializing, family, all these things are  attachments. These attachments have the ability to take us far from our purpose, our fulfillment. So we have them by our sides but not in our heart. Allahswt is in our heart, for if we have Allahswt in our heart we have the most important ingredient of life. An ingredient that the riches or most famous non believer and many a muslim is still looking for-contentment.

Pure contentment in the heart from the remembrance of Allahswt, great is he, the all peaceful and all hearing.

Go with the heart- it tells you the truth. Islam my courage, Islam my guidance,Islam my companion,  Islam my strength, Islam my healing agent in this journey, Islam my life. Help each other towards that inner contentment.  Move away from the toxic, the jealousy, the judgments, the gossip, the slander, and be content with Allahswt company, and just a few genuine ones that keep telling your heart that they love you for his sake.

 Keep remembering his name, keep turning to him alone, keep pouring out your heart to his mercy and assistance; keep knowing him. Think good of all, those that hurt you, ignore you, criticize  you, find their goodness and see their good. We are all fragile, weak humans with many a flaws that Allahswt hides from the naked eye. We ALL sin, in different ways. See people goodness, see their ability, believe that anyone has the capacity to be a force to change the world by first looking within themselves. The most beautiful people are the ones that struggle through life trying their best to be their best.

So I am home. Iam still far form the most beloved people in my life, my Mother and eight siblings and my nieces and nephews, yet justice will be served, in I hope a place we are all going to jannah, paradise, where no ear will hear any hurtful words, no eye has to see judgmental looks and no heart has to feel any kind of pain-just pure bliss, happiness. Keep going on this journey, with Allahswt in our heart, its going to be alright inshallah.

Wearing a hejab

Lets face it trying to adhering to an Islamic dress code can be a challenging living in Australia or any western country, as a Muslim woman in a head scarf stands out, especially when your society bomb bards us woman with messages from billboard to magazines on what a woman "should" look like!

The head scarf defiantly takes the blunt of all these misconceptions because it is an outer signal that a person is of the Islamic faith. As Shuaib Webb, a well know American shiek said recently, "The natural outcome, therefore, for those who fear the religion, is to fear its most apparent manifestation-the hejab". I exercise my choice to where a head cover, yes a piece of cloth that doesn't have an adverse effect on my though pattern, that doesn't oppresses me or demean me, because I am a practicing Muslim woman. I believe covering my body and head is a religious obligation, just like absenting from wine, drugs or re framing from the act of stealing or murder! I have made a choice to be a practicing Muslim and this, from my interpenetration of Islam, includes wearing the head scarf. Now I am not saying my Muslims sisters that don't where a scarf are any less practicing, as they have also made a choice not wear it, and that is between them and God,and not for me to judge. Sometimes its a sticking point between Muslim woman themselves, as their can be a visual disparity between outer appearance and inner character. For me personally, I have always felt empowered and beautiful by wearing the head scarf.

The beauty I love about Islam is two phases that come to mind-there is no compulsion in Islam, meaning nothing can be forced and the second is that all actions are based on intention, so no one can judge another level of commitment or love of God. In the Quran, Muslim men are told to avert their gaze, out of respect for woman, so that's a hijab for them! Jesus is recorded in Islamic sources saying:

"Virtuous action does not consist in doing good to someone who has done good to you-that is merely returning a favor.Virtuous action consists in doing good (even) to those who have wronged you." So I believe that showing respect and goodness to others, how ever they treat us is important, as actions speak louder than words, and intentions speak louder to the heart. 

I feel it boils down to live and let live, a principal our society has yet to master. It upset me when people that judge or mock the hijab, and feel that I am asking to be discriminated against. I feel the people that judge or mock are really the oppressors as their own narrow mindedness and intolerant dictates their perception of a different behavior or belief is an oppression. Whats wrong with practicing ones beliefs as I choose? In a world that needs more spiritually in touch human beings.The world is beautiful with various types of communities, cultures and religions, and if their is respect, we live in harmony.

Increasing blessings

Acknowledging your blessing will only increase your blessings. There is two things In Islam that increase ones blessing-seeking forgiveness from Allahswt (as we all sin in different ways)and being grateful. There is even a verse in the Quran that says increase your gratefulness to me (Allahswt) and I will increase your blessings. I carry a gratitude dairy which I try and write in as much as I can (a few times a week) I feel its so good to show Allahswt that I am acknowledging all the good things that happen to me in a day, even if its been a hard day esp so since the last few months have been so hard for me and so to say yes these five things right now  Iam so happy Allahswt you put them in my life or they happened to me, makes we show Allahswt that I am ever grateful. I suppose its a habit of mind set to change our thinking as all blessing as a trust and need to be nurtured , loved and appreciated to get the full benefit form them. If Allahswt were to take anything away, or we lose a blessing or a testing experience happens, this is only for our own good and their is much khair in it as Allahswt is the best of planners and knows what is best for us in all times of our life. Always keeping a positive expectation of Allahswt mercy and hope, and acknowledge how very much in need we are of him.

I acknowledge the great blessing of being able to breath, the eyes that see, the ears that hear, the mouth that taste and the body that is able to do things. The family and friends I have in my life (even thou many are far by distance, yet close by heart). May we keep acknowledging our blessings and flavors upon us, we don't want to be in a position of regret that we only realize how important or great something was after it has left our lives. Each day we keep remember that life is a gift to be used wisely and our words and actions have an impact on ourselves and others, so may they be of goodness and may we be of the grateful!

Reflections of 2013-year of changes, travels and new experiences.

 This year has been one of the most challenging years in my life. I have been tested in different areas. I  have had new experiences and travels,ones  that  I would have never thought possible. I have pushed myself emotionally and physically and I have been crushed at times with the sheer weight of dealing with all the different changes . I have fallen on an a occasion or two, and than got up with out reared hands to a very Merciful Lord, who test to make us turn to him even more, to bow down to him even longer, to listen and obey to him even better.

 I am stronger in somethings and weaker in others. I am more aware of peoples sufferings and human nature. I am less judgmental. I am fragile. I am constant in need of Allahswt every....... single...... day. With his permission I am able to bow down to him five times a day and that is the greatest gift I could have ever achieve- his mercy and love to let me have Iman, faith in my heart and to keep turning to him.

I am shy of fourteen days from my baby Shuaib turning one year old and shy of 29 days of living in Malaysia for one year (minus all the travels back home :)) . I left on this journey determined and exhausted. Leaving some really precious gems of friends, all that was familiar in my home built up over fifteen years in Perth to Malacca, Malaysia, a small city town about two hours drive from kular lumper, the capital. I live five mins from the sea, my savoir when things became too much or when I needed freedom from the stares and sea of Asian faces. How I yearn to see a white face sometimes lol. That's what being around what's familiar does to you- everything different isn't seen as normal.How perception and mind set changes once we step out of our comfort zone.

 We are All different in so many ways yet the same. Regardless what color, nationality, religion you are , how many children you have or not or what country you live in, we are all human and feel hurt, sadness, happiness, desperation, broken, inspired,uplifted at different times in our lives.

 We walk different journeys yet we are on the same destination.

 We turn against people and can judge yet we are have faults and weakness to fix up.

 We are all trying or struggling with something- be it a relationship, upbringing of children, health, expenses, caring for someone, a death ,an illness, connection or disconnection.Some people are struggling through the day to just get a simple meal and education for their children. Somewhere on the Others side of the world , someone is struggling with their body image and what to wear for a event this weekend. It depends on very different circumstances what we are struggling for. The matter that is most I important is that struggling is with in our purpose of life . 

While we stand on this earth, or may I say walking, running, rushing, falling, hurrying, driving, talking or standing still, we must always remember our purpose of why we are here- for a Muslim it is important as keeping the eye on the prize, the purpose will be the key when it matters the most- that meeting on that day between you an Allahswt.

 Keep asking yourself now what matters the most to you now and than ask is it inline with your purpose? The purpose to worship a most merciful Lord who sees, hears the most inner most thoughts of the mind and feeling of the hearts. Keep turning to him in a world that's I'll try very hard to shut him out form your heart. Keep turning to Allahswt in a world that says fulfill your base desires, take the easy road, and put yourself first. Keep trying to maintain a beautiful connection with him, so you know that he will be pleases with all that you try to do. And most of all keep checking our intention of our actions and words- did it meet our purpose of life? Was it necessary and did it matter?

I hope that we can use our precious time while on this journey of life to be a better Muslim in character and deed. I hope we can bring better children into this earth that are compassion, caring, kind and helpful to others. I hope we can learn to see people's good and overlook their faults and weaknesses as much as we want ours to be overlook. And I hope most of all that you never a day goes by that you don't do something to keep your heart connected to the one that lets it beats over and over again, our most merciful, forgiving, overlooking, great Lord Allahswt