Sacrifice is the key

How great is Allah swt, the greatest and best of planners! I am telling you,  one thing I have learnt from this hijrah to another country for my children's deen is that sacrifice is the key. I think our religion is based on some sort of sacrifice  We cant get something we want without some sacrifice involved. I hated that word -scarifice! It meant hardship, it meant tears, it meant toil, it meant extra duas, it meant  not knowing, it meant totally dependence on the planer,  it meant change, it meant EFFORT. Yet if we don't change our condition in some way, our environment  or change something within ourselves, or our plans, we cant get anywhere. We stay still- we don't move ahead. If we don't  change or sacrifice something, be it the way we use  our time, our familiar surrounding, looking after our heath, out out look,our mind set etc we stay the same, and that can result in a person that never grows

I hope you know what I mean, what  Iam trying to say.  I have been here in Malaysia almost two months and finally today was the day Allahswt shown  my husband, Nabil what school he will attend. We have worked hard and tried to get him into any school since we arrived here. I couldn't understand this week why he hasn't been able to attend school. I was at the point of having to enroll him into the Australian long distance education curriculum.   I kept hearing this voice in my head that said  don't lose hope. We had to keep focusing  on our objectives and maintaining that focus in every aspect of our lives- our children deen and how to keep them as true servants of Allahswt and his Glorious Book, the Quran .So I kept making duas and we kept trying, visiting schools and madrasahs near and far, two taking us three hours to find in a country where to find the closes main shop the first week took us three hours instead of the usual 10 mins, as we got lost.

AlumidAllah today my son Nabil called me today, after he and his father had spent three hours on the road trying to find yet again another   madrasah." Mum its the one! I really like! there is ten 13 year olds doing year one Alim, and seven 15 years and one 21 years  from Finland and a blond dude from Adelaide!  One is from Norway, one form China, one from"  as his conversation continued mentioning with excitement  the various countries the boys were from. My heart was so happy to hear those words. Everything sounded just rigth (inshAllah ameen). There are 64 students at madrasah Alhikmah  from year one alim to year six alim and some doing purely Hafiz.  

Now when we arrived in Malaysia Nabil was set on attending a normal islamic school with full curriculum  That was fine with me and as a added bonuses I wanted Arabic, as a extra subject (Most Malaysia's schools offer Arabic as it is a popular subject here alhumidAllah). After the weeks went by and my poor husband, who had been to the Education department six times over the course of almost two months, to a shieks house and local politician to find out why they haven't process Nabils application from, still no answers available. Nabil was getting bored, as an energetic  intelligent 13  year old, this was getting too much. He had been keeping himself busy  learning malay and  helping out at he beach lodge. This week I got him to watch a powerful lecture and it talked about how the youth just follow, follow everything the west demands of them. He had been quiet the last two days and than produce a letter in which he had wrote to me.It made my heart quiver   In the letter  he wrote how he would like to become a Alim and than a mufti by the age of 28, and how he wants to learn frm a scholar, learn the answers to our deen and that he didn't want to be corrupted by this dunya.

One thing I promised Nabil before we left Perth was that he would have the final say with regards to what school he went too. This was important to him, as I had deprived him of being at a main stream school, which I new and Allahswt knows best, that homeschooling him was my best option for the protection of his deen at that time in his life. This decision was, I believed one of the best I did, yet it came with  some sacrifice on both our behalf  So to  not be forced into a schooling he didn't want was not something I would do to him, as there is no compulsion in deen.  No one can be forced to do an act of worship without their full will being  involved. One thing  I heave learnt when it comes to the up bring up of my children and step sons is coercion or force just doesn't work. Because at the end of the day, the soul needs to do the action only for Allahswt pleasure to be accountable. We need to do every action with sincerity of intention. So when my son said I want to be a Alim, that was the golden words I was hearing, ones that I didn't expect, the words that Allahwt as the best planner, new  would come out at this time and place...the right time and place.......and after sacrifice!

 And so I need to let go of my son, who I have intensely at times home schooled,  shared at times 24/7 together, discussed, laughed  and argued different points of view and subjects. I have to let him go in the path of seeking knowledge, knowing that he made the final decision. He will start a six year Alim course next week and he may come back after one month or three years or finish it inshAllah. Only Allah swt knows because only Allah swt chooses who of his servants he wants to take on that  journey in life. I can only equip him with the realization from a young age that his Rabb, yours and mine, is ever there for us in times of need and ease. That our focus and attainment is his pleasure. That without the remembrance  of Allahswt, the heart can never have true contentment and will be corrupted.

Now Iam not naive  I know what this means and I know the pit falls of a madrasah life that could entail, from the many bad stories I have heard or the skills he wont be exposed too. But I believe Allahswt, as the best of planners has assisted and directed us to this path, that not many people would be able to handle- to up root and start all over again away from home, family, friends and all that is familiar- every change possible from food, weather, culture, air quality, people etc.

I  have made my fair share of mistakes as a parent but I know the secret really is to bring up our children with the love, awareness and realization of how great Allahswt is, how much we are need him and how we must turn to him, have a dialogue with him, and aside our affairs to his trust. And dua!! never ending dua.

 I write this to inspire other parents to realize that with effort, Allahswt will save our children inshallah from the pit falls of this dunya. We may not need to leave our beloved homes, but we need to make every effort to nurture our children's iman and do everything possible to show them the beauty of Islam and protect, yes protect them with open eyes form the filthy and fitna of this dunya. With that said, many will do everything possible and hedayet is only in Allahswt hands, yet we need  to make the effort so that we can say full hearty that we tried the best we could to bring up our children in Islam- a beautiful way of life.

Kind Regards,

Khadija

My values and how they would influence the children in my care.

I think it soo important to look at our values and see how they impact on our children and other ppls children. Its eye opening to see that children have soo much potential if we are willing to see their true worth. 

Achievement- I get great satisfaction from being busy and productive and have determination to reach my goals, make changes, and benefit others especially in what benefits children.

Commitment-children can be  reliable and get the job done. It is essential to observe,  learn and implement  new ideas/methods on how to embrace the unexpected and expand the interests of children, to achieve optimal levels of learning and playing  which indicates a commitment to the children in our care.

Quality relationships: Children teach  us about life and about ourselves, and we need to make time to really listen and learn from them.  Adult carers with their parents and caregivers are the first mentors in the life of the child. The more positive  and attuned they are,as  adults,  will affect the childs upbringing and sense of belonging.  Engaging with others, especially people who are cultural and/or religiously different.

Knowledge .We should equip children with the skills, good habits and values to be able to be lifelong learners and contributors to the world around them.

Self respect  and Self-awareness. Respect and understanding of self and others Children should be exposed too and taught  the skills of compassions and respect for others. Children be given positive feedback, how ever small,  about their actions,is essential  to assist them to believe in themselves and be self aware.

Work independently .Responsible over themselves and those they lead.This value influnces children in that if there is good  leadership and  time management, this will  maintain good stress levels and well being for the children.

We have to take good care of the next generation to produce beautiful children we great qualities and values. The role models of tomor will be produced today. My beautiful boys I hope that will impact the world in a good and noble way inshallah ameen!

 I think any girl or woman for that matter, that is outspoken,has a strong personality and is passionate about what she believes will be treated with a unfavorable  response from other girls/woman time to time. I believe I was a outspoken and strong teenager   & as the years went by, the put downs, gossip, nasty comments coming from girls and woman that cant handle seeing another girl or woman shine, does bring you down at times. Its about their insecurities, their jealousies and need to feel they are more important than another. Its from a lack of understanding oneself strengths, capabilities. Some woman need to limit another woman more intelligent than them, or more outgoing than them, or more beautiful than them, or more popular than them. Its a trait some woman have.

 I tell  young female teenager that are being put down or bullied by others,  that your ability to believe in yourself, to voice your opinions, to be you is only a assest and many will be treaten by it. Yet keep going because you are so needed in thie world of fake personalities. Keep good freinds, look for quality not quanility, and know the best of freinds, the healer and supporter of all, Allahswt is by your side.

 Trails and test with ppl are a way to mould us to be stronger, to be closer and more purer in our love to out Creator and our true purpose in life. Try to minimise your time around these girls & keep a journal of your thoughs, mind set, how your feeling.

 Than each day write one thing positive or beautiful about yourself or kind comments/advices other sincern, caring girls/woman have given you, so you have it stored and it can be a something you can look back to when your feeling your "bucket" being dipped out, where others have rob some of the water of life from it.So many ppl dont know the deeper beauty under the surface.

There are so many  young, talented and amazing girls out there but do not realise their true worth because of basing their opinion of themselves on what others think.  Let the haters out of your heart and mind. I did many years ago :)

My Ten boosters to balance Self-Esteem

1.Self Awareness. Appreciate yourself.Know that you have unique strengths, talents and qualities, and the ability to make changes, learn, grow and just be. Affirm who you are, know yourself, the limitations, boundaries and strong areas that makes up you.Being self aware helps us to think before we react

2.Positive MindsetThe way we think has a huge impact on how we see the world.With a determined mind, hard work and practice, the obstacles of life can be conquered. For example saying to yourself "Oh your so dumb! ; That's such a stupid idea or No, its not going to work out" is saying to yourself that you are not good enough to get the job done. Be positive towards yourself, and tell yourself that you can.

3. Good communication skillsBody language makes up 80% of communication. First impressions have a huge effect on how others see you. Are you open, warm and friendly? or is your body telling other signs of how you feel. In a state of emotional up rest or when your stressed, hurt or upset, this is the time to see things from other perspective.
Aggro's communicators tend to verbally attack people as well as issues they dislike. They are saying, "Iam more important than you!'. Use I message when communicating, as they look after others feelings. Try to understand what it is the other person is saying-really listen with body and soul


4.Don't compare yourself to othersThis leads to jealously, as there is always areas others a better at. Look for areas within yourself that you are successful at. With wealth, know that there are so many people that are worst off than you. With beauty, everyone gets their fair share of test, so don't turn against someone more beautiful than you. With popularity, it comes and goes, and some people shin because they put the effort in their area of strength. You too need to see the positives. Don't overstress the negatives.Be happy for others, we are one humanity that welcomes each others accomplishments

6.Make goals and accomplish themThis is a big booster to self esteem. Nothing like completing the task. Be careful of having a sense of failure. With effort and support, goals can be reached one step at a time.See my blog on goals

7. Make a contributionDo your actions and intentions for a higher purpose. Don't be selfish. When we think of others or help others, God looks on us with compassion. You also feel good. Think, what impact in my own way, can I have on the world in a good manner? Look at your potential and you will see that you can give so much more, even if it be to those you love. Participation is the key

8.Have goods social support and supportive individuals like role models
Social networks that are healthy, are very important for good self esteem and mental health. Friends that are positive, caring and show respect and love are protective factors to health. External messages from family, parents, peers, school, work place, media, Internet and general society can effect our internal view. Your beliefs and attitude is a reflection of this internal view. Reflections that you make about who you are effect self esteem.

9. Be ActiveCant emphasis this enough.There is so many positive benefits of having a active lifestyle. A University report found that an increase positive self-esteem through a more positive body image. Other benefits include improve health, reductions in back and period pain; reduce tiredness and stress.

10.Reading, and for a Muslim, reading the Quran, is a positive guidance's and inspiring lessons to be learnt.Book's lessons and words can relate to ones life. Take time out to read about great people of the past, or the many self development and spiritual development books that give tools and tips to contribute to your unique life

So there it is. Armed with the shield of self-esteem and the sword of faith, I hope that you will be able to walk into any battle!

Goal Getting. The Science of Achieving Goals- Book Review

As someone that is goal orientated, this book really helped me to refocus, as it provided clear, practical and inspiration quotes, examples, evidence and research that encourages’ one to achieve their goals, and how to go about doing it.
The purpose of this book is to reassure anyone who wants to achieve their goals, to have the method and plan to do it. Power and Dingle use research from many different sources to provided practical and easy to follow guidelines, to improve our own achievement, commitment and determination of our own goals, and to attain them.
The book is broken into four parts, with eighteen easy to read chapters. Part one is about how goals affect the journey of our lives; how we need tools to assist us to get the things we want from life and to identify what is important in our lives. I found this the hardest part to follow, as it reminded me why I do not write down my goals, and changing conditioning.
Part 2 is the force of the book, providing you with the support network to follow one’s personal goals. This area explains what a goal setting process is, and encourages you to clarifying and explores the questions: What? When? Where? How? WHY? And Who? These questions give a clear motion to the whole process, and provide the framework to internalise the development of accepting that only I have the responsibility for achieving my goals.
The book is refreshing in that it gives great research that backs up the claim that goals focused on materialism have been associated with negative effects and goals oriented towards self-acceptance, creating community feeling, physical fitness and health, etc., encourage people to enjoy positive wellbeing.
Lists are included that help assist with what areas in your life need goals, to improve or priorities and what are your options.
Part 3 was my favourite part of the book, as it made everything so clear. At points of reading in this section, I was compelled to get up to dot down a goal or point that inspired me. This part was the power of commitment, thinking about and actually writing down those goals. Research and discussion about the power of writing, power of purpose in one’s life and the need to be comparison free, in that they are your personal goals and shouldn’t measure up towards anyone else’s was enlightening. List of questions in all aspect of life, such as health, family and home, relationships, career and business, traveling help to stimulate your creative brain to explore what do you really want, and having the ‘courage, character, conviction and commitment’ (p.110) to do it.
Part 4 describes the end process, once one understands what their goals are. It supports you to rank, review and reward once attained. It emphasis believing in yourself, creating positive affirmations and the power of visualisation in motivating ones towards their goals, big or small, short or long term. Meditation, breathing and other health points are included, explaining the powerful effects on reducing stress, blood pressure and other health problems, if we just practice to deep breath and relax, as part of our day.
Really enjoyed part 3 and 4 and yes I have priories’ what goals I will achieve in ink, and reminders of how to achieve them. I learnt that having specific, written goals is essential to know what our purpose and direction in life, and to get the most out of our short life. I highly recommended this book to all people who would like to re-focus on what they want most out of their life, in any area.

I say write down your goals and review them regularly and you will achieve. Being a muslims I depend on God's will, as nothing can happan without his permission. For example when Ibraheem (Peace be upon him) and Ismaeel (Peace be upon him) finish building the Kakbah in Makkah, they said , and the verse says: “And remember Abraham and Isma’il raised the foundations of the House (With this prayer): “Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us: For Thou art the All-Hearing, the All-knowing”. (Surat Al-Baqarah, Verse 127)

Notice how although they were doing the most noble task on earth at that moment, and they had achieve such a great task, they weren’t arrogant about it and asked Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) to accept it from them. So we have to remember, it is Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) who gave you or me the means to achieve a goal at that time, so be thankful and always ask Him to accept from you your hard work, and give us the ability and steadfastness to achieve our gaols inshallah.



The title of this book is Goal Getting and is written by author Peter Dingle and published by Comet Publishing. The ISBN of this book is 9780646499116 and the format is Paperback

Mental health- the way we think affects our actions

When I achieve a goal, I feel very excited, happy and proud of myself for achieving and accomplishing my goals. I felt hopeful for the future, and I was thinking how capable I can be when I put my mind to something important to me. “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve!- W. Clement Stone

Mental health is a state of being. A perception of the world around us. It can be positive or negative, and have the facility to conquer a person’s connection to the outside world, or it can be strong, driven and proactive. A person’s mental health is in a good position when thoughts are balanced. Meaning a person mind set is depended on our perception and interpretation of our environment, our inner beliefs, values and attitudes; our expectations and feelings.
How we think determines how we feel. If I think I am going to fail university, I will feel distress, or stressed. If I think I can do this, I know I have the capability, and I manage my time wisely, I may feel hopeful, engaged, excited that I can do it! Thanking effects a balanced and positive mind frame, an important part of good mental health. Another important aspect of mental health is knowing yourself and being self-aware. In life, it is important to consciously develop a clearer awareness of self by assessing the way we think.

What is a Leader? A self-evaluation of my leadership skills now: what have I learned?

Attribute 1 Good communication and listening skills
Reflections: Taking care of being able to clearly express ideas and concerns is essential for the true meaning to come across, and thinking about the right timing. Giving positive feedback and evolving all in decision making, supports a smooth process and promotes cooperation.
Examples: At one stage I felt emotional vulnerable by some personal events in my life, so at that stage, what people said , wrote and did at times, sometime was interpreted as a personal attack, when this was not the intention.
Theory and research: According to Handy (Maddock, 1999, p.4) listen and communicating are essential qualities for a leader and Daft (1998, p.21) explain underlays a strength for a fusion leader. Network of connections and collaborating with others are characteristics of transformational leadership (Maddock, 1999)
Strategies: Need to improve in giving constructive criticism, as overlooking can affect progress. Recognise under pressure how I respond, and communicate at times when emotional state is balanced (Geldard & Geldard, 2003, p. 188)

Attribute 2 Self- Awareness
Reflections: Through this process, I strongly agree that Leaders understand themselves, and maintain self –reflection, noticing how these things influence our attitudes, relationships and behaviour.
Examples: I learnt that there is a preferred preference for working toward specific goals by myself, but participation is important, and I dont mind not having total ownership of a project.

Theory and research: Relating to fostering a better understanding of ones’ self, Sinclar (2011,p.453) explains that identity work ‘allows people to be more present, more able and open and connect to others, and see what is going on’. (Sinclair, 2011, p.453). Human relations perspective uses an approach that encourages desires for ‘self-expression and self-actualisation.’ (Jones, & May, 199, p.41)

Strategies: Need to positively reinforce my own achievements, and take opportunities to have breaks.


Attribute 3 Commitment
Reflections: Having a clear sense of vision and direction comes hand in hand with commitment ( Senge, 1990). I have come to realise that being overly reliable and committed, is truly a double-edged sword. It helps me achieve my goals, but on the other hand, I wish I could just turn it off and on at will

Examples: I put in long hours performing assigned tasks over and above requirement, even when it means inconveniencing me.

Theory and research: Commitments requires passion, energy, responsibility and when a group of people each are committed to a common vision, achievement of anything can happen (Senge, 1990, p.221). Bennis (Doherty & Horne, 2002, p.208) found that transformational leaders had the capability to create compelling vision that had everyone commitment to achieving.
Strategies for Commitment: I relish the feeling of being busy, yet you also need to know when I am “done.” Attach timelines and measurement to goals so that effort leads to
defined progress and tangible outcomes (Rath, 2007, p.14)

Attribute 4 Motivation
Reflections: Achieve, have patience, work hard and believe others will work hard too. This in not always the case. I think people work well when they share information; operated from each of our strengths, and contribute to each other. I like to bring about initiatives, encourage idea and tracked my progress, which create enthusiasm and momentum in a group situation, and others comment on my commitment, which helped them stay on track.

Examples: One team member in my Uni assignment was very hard to get in contact with and lack interest. Instead of getting frustrated by it, I stood up to be the research assistant in the project, as this position focus on sharing the information I have collected to assist her.
Theory and research: Fusion leadership describes a new way of leading based on "fusion," a coming together of whole individuals to accomplish mutual goals based on shared vision and values, bring about a sense of unity (Daft, 1998, p.15). Additional belief is following behavioural theories, using Blake and Mouton’s Managerial Grid ( Module 3,2007, p.4), whereby I found to have a leadership style that emphasis team leadership– high on production and high on people relationships (Mind tools, 1996-2011).
Strategies for motivation: Take advantage of my self-motivation by setting challenging goals, in different learning/passion areas (Rath, 2007).


Attribute 5 Supporting and encouraging themselves and others
Reflections: I found I gain a certain degree of satisfaction when I could
be of some service to others. A strengthen I found was I am good at offering assistance to people who are struggling to do their part or when an issue came up. Acted as a Coordinator/team worker, which aids the group to clarify goals, promote decision making and evaluate progress (Hudson, 2009, p. 373).

Examples: Instinctively, I notice others accomplishments, contribution, skills, and derive much pleasure from honouring and encouraging individuals, especially when their good results are the fruit of hard work.

Theory and research: This would be using ‘situational leadership’, whereby one looks for opportunities to take action on a matter (McDonald, 2011, p.40). Also using a transformational leadership style where one engages personally in collaborative ways (Maddock, 1999).

Strategies: Since it is strength, learn more about being a team leader. Understand peoples’ working methods, strengthens and weakness before starting a project (Hudson, 2009, p.369)

I have learnt I consider various ways to initiate, nurture, and sustain the linkages between
Individuals and groups and bring people together. I made an effort to be available for others, by being more visible. I learnt that this facilitated two way communications, and helps support one another. I took opportunities to be assertive in a non-aggressive way, building up my personal assurance of what I stand for. I agree that good communication and commitment are part of a reinforcing foundation of a clear sense of vision (Senge, 1990, p.227).

Self reflection is a journey has been enlightening, and the most important lesson to be learnt, it is the collaborative process that support each leader.